he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
