i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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