i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
