Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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