i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's like iHOP with fire
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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