Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
