She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
