Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
