not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
