how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
