Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
