I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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