Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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