u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
