dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
