Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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