I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
