I am spending my child support on dildos
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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