I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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