I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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