she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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