Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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