You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
