Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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