i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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