Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
