Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
