I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
