you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
