He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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