She went from zero to smokin in five shots
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
