I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
