Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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