Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
