Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
