Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
