Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
