Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
