mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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