return my video game
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
