Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
