and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
