lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
