Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
