He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
