i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
