so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
