I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
