sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
