i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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