Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
