Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
