I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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