We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
