No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
