hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
