we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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