I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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