Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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