I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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