some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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