..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
