just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
