Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
