I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
