I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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