So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
