Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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