I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
