I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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