Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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