i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
