If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
