Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
