My entire life is one complicated drinking game
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Watching her eat just hurts me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
