Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the day after is always just damage control
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you. Go after that dick
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
