Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My penis needs a shock collar
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
