You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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