i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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